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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107022">Forever, Carina</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyloves77/pseuds/Ladyloves77'>Ladyloves77</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Station 19 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:53:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyloves77/pseuds/Ladyloves77</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A short fix-it fic for the 4x08 spoilers with the ex visiting and Maya's jealousy</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>174</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forever, Carina</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Characters not mine, mistakes are!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carina hadn't seen Maya since Bianca left the house, which was over an hour ago. Maya was usually closer by, so Carina left the bedroom and walked down the hall, finding Maya working out in the spare room. She watched her doing push-ups for a moment, noticing the tension in her body and on her face. She realized Maya hadn't really been leaving the house or doing anything other than taking care of her the last few weeks. “Maya, if you need to go to the station or for a run, I'll be okay."<br/>
“I want to stay” Maya tried to be as nonchalant as possible. "Do you need anything? Did you eat?"<br/>
"Bianca made me something before she left."<br/>
"of course she did" Maya couldn't stop the words from falling out of her mouth. She instantly cursed herself for the mistake. She was afraid to look back up at Carina. She was hoping she didn't hear it.<br/>
"What does that mean?"<br/>
Oh shit, she heard it. "Nothing. I'm sorry. I just..." Maya trailed off, her mind racing as to how to get out of this without making things worse, without hurting this person already in so much pain.<br/>
"you just what Maya?" Carina's tone wasn't sweet anymore.<br/>
Maya knew she couldnt get away from it now. She stood up and walked over to Carina, hoping to show she had no desire to argue or upset Carina. "I think I was just feeling a little jealous of Bianca. I'm... not good at this. I want to be, but she... she made you smile and eat, voluntarily, and put on jeans, and I... I want you to have the comfort and support Carina, I do. I liked seeing you smile again, I guess I just wanted to be the cause. And I know that's so selfish and I'm working on it and please dont think..."<br/>
Carina cut her off, "bellissima" she put a hand on Maya's face. Maya looked up at that face - that very sad and broken, but still so loving and open face. "You are the one - who has seen me at my lowest, who has literally held me up, who has helped me bathe, who has made me get up everyday. You, Maya, are the reason I’m standing here.”</p>
<p>Maya couldn’t help herself from pulling Carina into a kiss. They hadn’t really kissed on the lips since Andrew's death. Maybe a peck when Maya ventured out for an errand. But this wasn’t a peck - Maya felt it was the only way she could express her feelings for Carina as she pressed herself more fully against Carinas body. Carina kissed her back, whimpering into her mouth and showing Maya with her lips and tongue that she had nothing to be jealous of. Maya slowed it down, kissing Carina a final time.</p>
<p>“I love you” Maya breathed out after their lips parted. “I love you too. Now let me watch you do some more push-ups.” “Oh yeah?” Carina nodded, “Your strength is so sexy.” And then she thought of what that strength had been used for lately - to pull her up and away from her brother's bleeding body so the paramedics could work on him, holding her limp body up when she found out he had died and almost blacked out, carrying her to bed when she was too grief stricken to move from the floor those first few nights. Yes it was sexy but also so very sad, and she felt a new wave of sorrow pour out of her, a sobbing sound escaping from her throat as it hit her like a punch in the gut. She let her body slide down to the floor in defeat. When would it stop hurting so damn much?</p>
<p>Maya hears the sound and looks up, watching Carina crumple to the floor and crawling over to her. “Hey hey” she whispered softly, a hand on Carinas arm that was covering her buried head. Carina's other hand landed on top of Mayas, holding it there. “let’s go lay down, let me hold you?” Maya requested. The vulnerability in her voice made Carina's heart beat again. Carina nodded and started to get up, Maya quickly helping her.</p>
<p>They got into bed, Maya taking Carina in her arms. Carina cried a little more, Maya just letting her be, sadly used to the feeling of Carina's tears soaking through her shirt. But god it was so much better than the times Carina pulled away from her. “I’ve got you” she whispered softly as she felt Carina trembling in her arms. Carina whimpered in response, “Tell me” She asked needfully, and before Maya could seek clarification, she added pitifully, “tell me you won't leave me." Maya wasn't sure she felt this before - this need - as she pulled Carina more tightly against her, "Carina, I'm not going to leave you. No matter what happens, I'll be here next to you. I promise - you have me...you'll always have me." Carina exhaled loudly and placed a kiss on Maya's chest where her head was resting. Carina said something that sounded very loving in Italian and then drifted off to sleep.</p>
<p>But Maya's mind was alive, so very alive, as she reflected on the implication of her words. She had meant them. She had never meant anything more. She wanted to be with this woman for the rest of her life. She wanted to shout from the rooftops, she wanted to dance, she wanted to feel happy about this revelation. But she felt stuck with it. Stuck with it until Carina was feeling better, until they had some distance from this, until she could ask her to marry her. She laughed out loud at herself, checking to make sure she didn't wake Carina. Maya never planned on that word being part of her personal vocabulary. And now, it was like a moment she had longed for her whole life - to promise this beautiful, loving, tender creature that Maya was hers forever, to make her feel safe, to remind her everyday she looked down at her hand that she wasn't alone. And she wanted it for herself too - seeing Carina be doted on by another woman reminded her the absolute gem of a human being she had in front of her. No one was going to love her like Carina, no one was going to make her feel the way Carina did.</p>
<p>She felt Carina shifting and heard her make a sound of pain. "shhh, I've got you baby, go back to sleep" she whispered as she stroked her hair, the resulting sound of pleasure from Carina imprinting itself on Maya's heart. Everything in Maya's body wanted to move. She moved whenever she was feeling. And she had never felt this much before. She knew it was why she had the itch to work out before, with Bianca bringing out the depth of her desire for Carina. She wouldn't have believed it existed - she never had really - true love was a fantasy, a myth. But now it was the most real and important thing in her world, and her defenses were crawling over her skin - it wouldn't last, Carina would leave her for someone like Bianca, she would fuck it up again, it was too dangerous to love someone this much... She closed her eyes and thought back to the times Carina would soothe her when she couldn't relax. She felt her heart rate slow, her breathing evening out as she thought of Carina's voice and face and touch calming her. "I promise I am going to take care of you" she whispered before letting herself drift to sleep with her future wife in her arms.</p>
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